1 year later…

Moments can change your life forever. I can remember the day that Sacha and I talked about this “personal ad” she was placing on MySpace for me so that she could be in charge of finding me my new love. She couldn’t take any more chances that I would date someone that wasn’t right for me. Instead she would interview them first and decide whether or not to send them my way. Abby responded…more as a joke because her and Sach had a silly funny relationships ( as Abby did with most of her friends) ..but Sacha didn’t let her get away with it. She showed Abby my picture and put us in touch. I was sick with Mono, but Abby didn’t care. She kept me up all night on the phone telling me stories about camp and trips she had taken. Within a day she was already coming over for her first visit. I remember holding Oliver and looking out the window while talking to her on her motorola flip phone that she was obsessed with. She sat in the parking lot across the street from my house looking herself over in her mirrors as I stared out at her. I smiled with excitement and I still remember the feeling the first time we said hello in person….we were still holding out phones to our ears. We were both nervous…but it was love at first sight, for her and Oliver… and I knew I had already fallen for her too.

She was sweaty and her hair was in a pony tail. The front of her hair was fluffed up in her typical Abby poof. She said it was her cowlick. She wore a sports bra and soffe shorts. Who wears that on a first date? Abby Jacknowitz does. I made her dinner. She ate 8 hamburgers without buns. I thought she was insane. She hung out til bedtime playing with Oliver and talking to me. Then it was time to go. I walked her to the door and out of no where she just kissed me. I think it lasted so long that we both ran out of breath and then just laughed together. She kissed Oliver and told him she loved him and left.

She captured my heart and soul. We took our time getting to know each other in the beginning but there was no fighting it. We were soulmates. We spent the next 7..almost 8 years together. The only time we really separated was for holidays in the beginning or a camp reunion.

She was my Scrab and I was her Scrach. Any name she heard that I would make up randomly became her new nickname. Abby Scrabby Ann Snailby Toe Punk Mcgee Apple Jacks Bennett Engel Jacknowitz… but call her aberknackle for short.

She loved her family, her parents, Auntie Jane and Max,  Heather, Jon, and the boys… Dave, Lynne and the kids…Uncle Artie and Aunt Linda, Aunt Laurie yoga, kayaking, camp, art, photography, decoupaging, her students, her school, her camp friends, writing curriculums, museums, music, dancing, her dogs, the beach, St. Barths, vacations, David Yurman bracelets, evil eye bracelets, Max, Liz, Stephanie, Julia, Anouchka , Hayley, Alyssa, Lauren, Eric, Flor, Sue, Meg, Jaclyn, Jaime, my parents, my family dogs, bobs natural food store, talking on the phone with her mom and dad, yoga long beach, Rent, seeing Steph perform in anything… and me. And all of you.

There was never a moment that I doubted her love for me. I knew I’d marry her before I had even officially met her. Ask Hayley.

Abby’s heart was made of gold… Evergreen (her camp) green and gold to be exact. She’d do anything to help a young child learn, save our dog Maddie when bets said no way, make people smile with her cartoon face and silly dances, and make me feel loved.

When Abby was diagnosed with cancer, we were filled with fear and anxiety. We stayed hopeful, and kept praying and hoping and dreaming it would get better. It was you all who helped hold us together through the 9 short but long long months of her illness. I took care of her, but you took care of me. No one left me alone. To this day you don’t leave me alone. I don’t know anyone else in the world that is as unlucky and lucky as I am. Unlucky to have lost the love of my life at such a young age when our lives were just starting together…and lucky to have had that kind of love. A love that so few of us truly understand or know. Lucky enough to have friends and family as strong as you have been to stick by my side this year. So much has changed. We have all moved on in one way or another but our hearts are still sore with the pain of missing our Abby. I feel her every day. I miss her every day. She will always be the one who captured me. The first girl I married because I couldn’t ever imagine my life without her. Now I am living what I thought I could never imagine.. and although I know you will all say it’s my strength and love that I get from her and myself…it’s also from you all. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart here on earth and from her heart in heaven. Thank you for loving us. I love you Abby.




10 thoughts on “1 year later…

  1. Dear Rachel

    Thinking of you and Abby today. She will always be with you. Always look for signs of her presence and you will see that she is there with you


  2. Your love is never ending and it’s rare but you were the lucky ones to have it! Cherish that always <3
    Our thoughts are with you and your family.

  3. Dear Rachel, Thank you for sharing your love story with Abby. I’m truly sorry for you loss. Abby seems to have been an amazing person. I remember last year when she passed, I cried for you both, even though I don’t know you guys personally. You both inspire me to get out of my unhappy relationship of 11 1/2 years and re-united with MY soul mate, the love of my life. It had been 16 years. I plan to ask her to marry me in June.
    I’m so glad you have found strength and courage to continue on with your life for your family and friends. I’m sure Abby continues to watch over you.
    Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
    Nancy Y
    p.s. my orange for Abby shirt is still my favorite shirt to wear!!

  4. I want you to know, I don’t know you, or Abby , but through Lori Diaz, have followed your story and journey. You are right. It is a rarity to have the type of love you two had, a gift, as if god knew. You have amazing writing skills and share your story very eloquently! Thank you for sharing

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